Journey from Stage to Station!

Hello Everyone, it’s been a long time my blog has been inactive since last 3 years. My sincere apologies to everyone and I also take this occasion to thanks to all my readers to support me in the past and I hope my blogs must've helped you in some way. 

 

We all are stuck in a situation where we don't have an option of getting out of it all we can do is be safe, maintain social distance, sanitize ourselves and be at home and have faith in our health workers! 

 

Lockdown made me re-start my blog and to talk about things I have been through during span of 3 years. There were some amazing moments and some terrible too. I've met some amazing, incredible people, worked with them, learnt about life and craft of modelling, acting and improved my communication skills.  

 

So, I was going through glitch in my personal life, my relations with my parents and their inter-personal relationship along with a poor economic situation and major setbacks in my freelance career of being a performing artist and a story teller led me to a very bad mental state. 

 

Somehow, I managed to work in BPO called Hexaware Technologies but situation worsen because of the Homophobic attitude of my colleagues towards me. I resigned from that job and later on with the help of Humsafar Trust I could find a suitable internship in a company called DDB Mudra but even after being selected for internship I wasn't asked to join in because of their rules for internship. But I was awaiting in hope that one day they would ask me to join and ill step into world of Advertising.

 

 Already being a SYBMM drop-out it was tough for me to join a college because of the homophobia and transphobia I faced there, I didn't want to put myself back in same situation as I wasn't ready for it.  And I couldn't be a graduate which means less jobs and even if you find one less chance of them being queer friendly. But I was still hopeful about my internship with that company and they kept me in loop.

 

One day my parents saved themselves from getting into jail because they got into an argument which turned out to be violent and I had to stop them. I learnt that my dad had borrowed money from someone without informing us for his unsuccessful venture and he almost hit my mother on her head which has an impact on her eyes. I realised down the line that however optimistic, talented and dedicated towards my craft it could hardly get me money to survive and I had to take quick action so they could get out of this situation. I thought a lot spoke to few bop’s again in hope for re-joining and paying their debt but nothing worked as I had no savings and neither my parents had. It was tough for me to join a company where I’d be trained for a month and get paid after a month which would not resolve my problem of how to run my house for a month as I had spent all my savings waiting for two months for an internship. 

 

I had to act quick and then I called up my friend and asked him to advise me and he in fact offered to help by giving me the amount I needed but was asking huge interest so I declined his offer. I called up another friend and asked them if I could get into the hijra community officially and start begging with them because that was the last thing I could do and they bashed me on the phone itself and ask me to them. After narrating the incident, they asked me to get into sex work but I refused as I wasn't comfortable with the idea. I officially entered into the community but my friend allowed to me get in only one condition that once I repay the debt, I will never get into begging ever in my life because they knew I was doing this out of no choice. I begged day and night and saved money and sent my mom to her native because she wanted to get her eye operation there as it'd cost less, I sent her with money for medicines and promised would send her some in future. 

 

I was with my dad for all this time and I begged day and night to run my house and I was about to repay half of the amount because I never wasted time, I knew I was doing this because I had to do this for a month, once I repay the debt and had some money to spend a month I’d look for a job and get back to my life. We tried keeping it under bush but somehow, I often pop into known face and I had to answer to their questions and they understood my situation. 

 

Once I was at ram-mandir station a day before 'Janta Curfew' was announced and we all thought it would be matter of a day but didn't realise how bad the situation was! On the day of Curfew they announced a seven day lockdown I had 1000 rupees which I had begged that day since morning and I somehow managed for 7 days but then it was extended for another 21 days and I lost hope and I gave it up but my friends, well-wishers and people with whom I had worked helped me after I posted briefly about it if it would not be them then I’d  not even survive.

 

I wonder what would happen if I had got the internship or what would've happened if I’d not take decision that day and would sit at home expecting them to call me for internship soon, I’d still die hungry. 

 

 

At least those 1000 bucks saved me for a two weeks and my friends helped me till date I’d be grateful for the person who helped me during a crucial time if I’d not beg that day I’d not be able to send my mom to native and also couldn't fill my dad’s stomach. And to all others who helped me during this lockdown in their own way I’d be grateful to you forever and ever.