Patriarchy has killed me

Its true that no one will love you more than yourself, i didn't love myself and for a fact i was this oil skinned wearing big framed glasse and disastrous clothes kind of boy; But i really thank people who taunted me so much that because of them i explored myself in streets of fashion and that's also the time when i realised that my gender identity to be 'ANDROGYNYOUS'. It wasn't easy to love myself i had to struggle a lot, hear a lot and face a lot to love myself. I am still pampered by my dad and he used to shop for me earlier but after i met my friend about whom i wrote in previous blog i never went on shopping spree with my dad. We used to go to shop together and being a anti social, ambivert and publicly embarrassed person i never interacted with shopkeepers because of their lingo, it was tough for me i was constantly scared that if i behave feminine they would stare at me and would make fun of me. Once we went for shopping at bandra, after shoppin

I was depressed, i wasn't happy I just thought somehow i need to get him back.  I tried a lot to convince him but he never listened. My depressed self lead me to having physical relation with a guy. I'm so glad that i met him at that point of my life, he never made me feel that i was just a xyz person who needs to have sex; but he actually respected me and listened to my story and i cried and he didn't even touched me that day.  Times changed i was enrolled in junior college, my parents weren't happy with my career choices a teacher, choreographer, fashion designer, journalist aren't  considered as profession in my family at least. i was enrolled in science stream, i somehow deal with it.  Then i met this random guy through a dating app, and our meeting was so mesmerising we were talking about random stuff in life. and that bond blossomed we started meeting regularly; thing which kept us connected was our journey of discovering world and our self. that was fir